I'm Totally A Wannabe Author

So, I'm Not a Twilighter

2012-02-04T00:40:00.001-08:00

However, way back in the day, when Twilight first made it out on the scene, I got dragged into watching the films because my closest friends were Twilighters. Not Twi-hards, thank the gods, but Twilighters to a mid-level of craziness extent. And ever since, I've watched each film that comes out. Luckily, they do get better from the beginning. The first one, is complete and absolute crap;. It looks cheap and poorly done. I hate the books, btw, so if you're a big Twilight fan, run far away from me, I won't say many good things. Now I don't hate Twilight, mind you. I think the author is just bloody terrible. The writing stinks. The two main characters are so annoying that the whole time you're reading OR watching, you kind of want them to just up and die. BUT, the side characters are actually more than decent. They're fun and entertaining and interesting. And they're the reason to watch the movies. Because it'll make you laugh and you enjoy everyone outside of Bella and Edward, a.k.a. Ms. Apathetic Addict and Sir Misplaced Knight Complex. My extreme dislike for Bella and Edward was potent and vicious up until the most recent film, in which I gained mild respect for Bella's character when she becomes a new mom, determined to keep her blood sucking offspring. Edward, still hate him. But, all this hate goin' round is probably why in the most recent film, the best so far, we kind of get this sick satisfaction and pleasure out of watching Edward essentially rip Bella open. It's pretty graphic and gross. But Bella finally dies. Doesn't stay dead. But dies. And I think most of us enjoyed watching it happen. The rest of us, may not have been "oh yay, the wicked witch is dead" but everyone is happy for her to finally be a freakin vampire. Because we were all hoping it'd make her less annoying. P.S. Stephanie Meyer, you treated Jacob like crap throughout your damned series.....and THEN you saddled him with an infant bride. It was SO creepy watching him fall in love instantly....with a baby. That was just weird as all Hell to watch. And it looked like it was weird as all Hell for him too. It was pretty damn funny watching Bella try desperately to get into Edward's pants. She clearly likes it rough. And as always, Bella's dad is seriously funny. Poor guy, sending his barely legal daughter off to get laid on a private island. For a side character, he is a favorite for many. But Twilight is all about side characters. Because it's just hard to tolerate the two main ones. Edward....stop choosing chess over sex. There really isn't a comparison. Well, for now that concludes my ramble on Twilight's latest. Dear Twihards who may stumble onto my post....don't bitch at me. I don't care if you like Bella or Twilight "changed your life", that's fine with me. Opinions can be different. Spice of life and all that. Diversity is good. Yada, yada, peace and all that jazz.

Got My Ass Squeezed By Sexy Cupid

2011-02-04T20:24:00.000-08:00

Love means giving someone your heart and the map of where to cut you the deepest, where it will hurt the most. And you hope to the Gods that they wont do it. And when they do cut your heart open, it hurts so badly that there aren't words to describe it and you can't even fathom what you ever did, in loving them, that it caused them to do it. Then those that have left you with the greatest scars, those that tell you that you have disappointed them or that make you feel as if you have.....they then tell you how much they care for you and somehow....that only cuts deeper.

It is when those that are closest to us do the hurting that our pain is the most excruciating. I always felt like a pet. Like a pet that no matter how hard I tried to do everything I could to make everyone happy, I was never good enough. In the arms of the one I love, I do not feel that way. Sometimes I want to curl up in her arms and stay there forever, rather than face the world where I disappoint everyone in my life. There is the only place that I feel safe and loved.

Love means needing to be with someone at your best, at your worst, and all the spaces in between. And at theirs. You don't want to spend a moment without them and yet you are so afraid that you'll scare them away that at times you feel over clingy and at others you feel too distant. When they love you back, they want to be with you just as much. But when you're insecure, you don't trust that as well as you should, though likely will come to if given time.

It is the damage of the past that leaves us with the scars that hinder us in the future. Past relationships, past encounters, past dealings, past friendships, past human-type creatures influence how we are with new human-type creatures. Just because the first one left, doesn't mean they all will. Just because LoserA cheated, doesn't mean Potentially-A-LoserB will. Just because BFF5 left you for a new friend, doesn't mean BFF26 will do the same, though if you're on BFF26, there could be a trend here in the people you are choosing.

Love means wanting them to be happy even when that doesn't include being with you, means caring more about their welfare than your own. That means being willing to take a bullet for them, hurtling metal or figurative. It means wishing them well with someone else even when in your heart, you're hurting so badly, you want to tear the damned blood-pumping organ out of your chest. It means standing by and staying close and being a friend when in the deepest crevices of your dying soul, all you want to be is their everything, as they are yours. It means more than being willing to walk through Tartarus to bring them water. It means begging Hades to trade their soul for yours.

"You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget."

"Like everybody who is not in love, he thought one chose the person to be loved after endless deliberations and on the basis of particular qualities or advantages."

"Absence diminishes mediocre passions and increases great ones, as the wind extinguishes candles and fans fires."

"I believe in the compelling power of love. I do not understand it. I believe it to be the most fragrant blossom of all this thorny existence."

"In love the paradox occurs that two beings become one and yet remain two."

Love means more than just wanting to tell someone you love them or even telling them what is in your heart. It means trying again and again to explain the depth of those feelings even when you don't know how and reminding them how much you love them regularly because you always love them. It means loving them all the time, not just sometimes. It means loving them through everything, means loving them when you're fighting, and kissing them when an argument is over.

"Love is a force more formidable than any other. It is invisible - it cannot be seen or measured, yet it is powerful enough to transform you in a moment, and offer you more joy than any material possession could."

"Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies." (My favorite Aristotle quote)

"Love is the joy of the good, the wonder of the wise, the amazement of the Gods." (And a Plato one)

"Love is the magician that pulls man out of his own hat."

"Love makes your soul crawl out from its hiding place."

"Love that is not madness is not love."

Put Away the Vacuum

2011-01-12T16:37:00.000-08:00

Life is one big mess. We're all individual messes. Everything's just plain messy. Nothing's ever simple. Some things are just less complicated than others. We just make things simple. We put them into simple terms and make it all black and white. Simplicity doesn't really exist. Everything is a jumbled mess of emotions and choices and decisions and words and people and things. Some things are covered in dust, others are in disrepair. Your relationship may be a leaky faucet. Your home life may be an old blue van with a busted out window and a really low tire in the back. Or your life could be a happy mess. Messy isn't necessarily a bad thing. Messy can be a good thing. At some point in my messy-as-all-Hell life, the scale tipped from bad messy to better messy and then there was some weird sparkly powder thrown over everything that smells of some mythical substance called....hippieness....hiperness....Happiness! That's it. Sometimes, when you're busy digging through piles of crap and drama and chaos, happiness, or whatever it's called, sneaks up and bites you in the ass. Yay for being bitten in the ass by Cupid or fairies or whatever the hell it is that spreads love and happy feelings. I bet it's Luna Lovegood. If you get bitten in the ass by Luna Lovegood, lovey good things will happen to you. Bad joke? Yes. But you probably laughed anyway.

Pretty Sure These Are the Psychotic Droids You're Looking For

2010-11-06T15:33:00.000-07:00

There comes a point where you find yourself in the most interesting position in life, a special gray area that leaves you confused and spinning out of control. There's an animal inside that is interpreting that overflow of emotion as a damn good excuse to scream and fight and snarl and drink and break things. You turn the music up higher and let Nickelback and Metallica help you think violent thoughts, entertain lusty ideas and contemplate causing massive destruction. That filter in your brain that normally tells you when to shut the hell up just poofs off to Useless Land, along with all your sense and ability to function. All that control you've painstakingly trained yourself to have dives out the nearest window like Tom chasing Jerry around a really tall cartoon building. It hovers there for a second and waves at you then falls. Fast. And hits the ground. Hard. But unlike Tom, it doesn't pop back up good as new. It's in millions of little pieces. And while you're sitting there, trying desperately to form them back together into something that vaguely resembles it's previous shaping and hopefully, ability to function, all that excessive emotion turns into a tidal wave that picks you up and flings you half way across the world and so far back in time that you can barely stand up when you finally crash into unfamiliar ground. Knights of old are slashing at you, while their horses trample you. All the fight in you comes out as some kind of a mask you wear to hide away everything else and you kick some imaginary ass. When you finally claw your way back to your own familiar Hell on Earth in your own time and place, you're so exhausted and angry at your ineffectual will and strength that you just get pissed and volatile and dangerous. You're growling at everyone and doing stupid self-endangering shit you shouldn't do because when you're like this, the only thing that helps is chaos and fury and pain and passion and lust and that damned vicious and cocky attitude where you remind everyone else that you're a wolf and not a golden retriever. You can go from a sad lethargy to a frightening bloodlust in a tenth of a second and have some idiot on the floor at your feet before either of you know what's happened. You can jump to self-destructive behavior so fast it almost makes you look cool. There are so many emotions beating at your insides with little baseball bats, hammers and axes that you don't even bother trying to seperate them out and put them all in corners for time outs. It's a whole new way to go with the fucked up flow of Life, the biggest bitch you'll ever meet. She knows how to put someone through Hell and much as you want to feel like you're the match she never anticipated, you're not. She'll win in the end. But you want to drag it out and feel like you're putting up a good fight. Give her time and she'll find that one weakness that'll break you. That one thing that won't just break you. That one thing that'll break you, put you back together, break you again, and keep the cycle going. That one thing that no matter how many times it breaks you, you know you'd die without it. The one thing that you want more than anything else in the whole damn world but that can never be yours. That thing that you would die for and that one that you live for. She'll set that one thing in front of you and make you watch it be someone else's everything. When you find yourself in this interesting little gray area, there are really two options. You could walk back into the black and white area, but chances are that there's no way in Hell you're going to make it back because every step you take away from the gray area, it gets harder and harder to breathe. Or, you try to head for the super bright happy color area. But the faster you run, the further it moves away from you, or is it that just you being so scared that it will vanish that you have no idea you're only two feet from it and just aren't moving? Who the hell knows? Third option. You can just go with it and sit down in your gray area and wait for another tidal wave to carry your ass to new and interesting places.

Aveti Grija de Musca de la Ea-lup

2010-11-06T14:46:00.000-07:00

The Wolf and The Woman

Turn the wheel and wreck the car.

Squeeze too tight and stop the heart.

Jump too soon and fall too far.

Wait too long and you’ll fly apart.

Crash and burn, it’s bound to be.

Break and bleed, til the world screams.

Watch the room shake around me.

Take my pain to my dreams.

Listen to her howl for release from her prison.

Violence will return her to sleep.

She hunts among the flock of treason.

But she never worries how many are the sheep.

Walk into the barrel of the gun,

Demand that She take the shot.

It would be foolish to run,

But love has nothing to do with thought.

Pick up the pieces and put them away.

Toss the key into the river and hope it sinks.

Still She unlocks the cage day after day.

There’s too much emotion; neither of us thinks.

Walk off the edge and hit the floor.

Need too much and the soul follows.

Love enough and you’ll just want more.

She picks up the bottle and swallows.

Down the Rabbit Hole

2010-09-03T20:56:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting alone in my room again. As usual, really. Wondering what it is that lands me in this particular spot so often. Cross-legged on the floor in front of my laptop or behind a book or with pen in hand. Listening to music, to which I'm swaying, of course, because it makes sense and hits home. Maybe chatting over Skype. Maybe just thinking. Why is this where I always end up? Alone. Sad. Grasping at words, trying to make them into something someone else could understand.

If I sit alone long enough, I'll start thinking about other things. Where do I go when I die? Will I cease to exist? I can't wrap my head around the idea of not existing somehow, in some way.

How many mistakes have I made? I can think of hundreds right here and now. How many don't I know about?

What's up with love? Wtf is this stuff? It's the most complicated simple thing that exists in this weird world.

Sometimes I can't even remember my own opinions.

Me in a Bottle of Jack Daniels

2010-08-28T00:51:00.000-07:00

“I'm nothing but a lone wolf, misunderstood and labeled to be dangerous.”

“All right, then, I'll go to hell.”

“If you have to think about whether you love someone or not then the answer is no. When you love someone you just know.”

“A girl is a person who screams at the mouse and smiles at the wolf”

“Love is what makes two people sit in the middle of a bench when there is plenty of room at both ends”

“Why join the navy if you can be a pirate?”

“Your heart is my piñata.”

“You know, all writers are vampires and ... they'll look around and they watch you when you're not even thinking they're watching you and they'll slip stuff in.”

“If you are going through hell, keep going.”

“The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved -- loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves.”

“Live with wolves, and you learn to howl”

“Love is of all passions the strongest, for it attacks simultaneously the head, the heart and the senses.”

“When other little girls wanted to be ballet dancers I kind of wanted to be a vampire.”

“Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.”

“Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner”

“The supreme irony of life is that hardly anyone gets out of it alive.”

“Love is like seaweed; even if you have pushed it away, you will not prevent it from coming back.”

“A gentleman is simply a patient wolf.”

“"Nunquam lamiae morde me dice" -- "Never say bite me to a Vampire”

“Believe in love. Believe in magic. Hell, believe in Santa Clause. Believe in others. Believe in yourself. Believe in your dreams. If you don't, who will?”

“There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences.”

“I wanted to make a small movie about a guy and a girl on the beach, but then I thought, wouldn't it be cool if a werewolf was there?”

“A fox is a wolf who sends flowers.”

“If you talk the talk, you damn well better walk the walk.”

“That old black magic has me in its spell, That old black magic that you weave so well; Icy fingers up and down my spine, The same old witchcraft when your eyes meet mine”

“Leprechauns, castles, good luck and laughter. Lullabies, dreams and love ever after. Poems and songs with pipes and drums. A thousand welcomes when anyone comes... That's the Irish for you!” (And don't forget the whiskey)

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe.”

“The heart is the only broken instrument that works.”

WANTED: Angel of Death. Experience Required, That Way It Sticks

2010-08-12T21:31:00.000-07:00

Way to go, Amanda. I just managed to lose all my closest friends in about....ten minutes? Yeah, way to go. I wish they'd never wanted me to open up. I wish they'd never wanted me to say anything. Things were so much easier when all I had to say was "yes", "no" and "I'm fine". They never understand what I'm saying. And now they all hate me. I used to have so much more control over myself. No one knew anything about me and that was how I liked it. Dammit. I must be the worst friend on the planet. I wish I was 21. Then I could go down to the bar, down a few dozen drinks and stumble out into the street. Hopefully when a car hit me, it'd kill me and not just maim me. With my luck, I'd live.

Casper, You Bring That Back!

2010-08-10T23:46:00.000-07:00

Took all day but my room is now quite clean. It never really gets dirty. But it gets cluttered every now and then. I'm the type to have books and papers and notebooks stacked all over the place. Give those stacks time and gravity will eventually decide to make them into piles. Somehow, despite my OCD organizing (which requires all things be in particular places) random small things end up in these piles. One earring, my bookmark, my lighter (I don't smoke) and other things. I imagine this is partly because my sister is always moving things around no matter how much I yell. Also, we do have that joke around here about the playful little spirits who are always taking things and putting them elsewhere. Live here for a while and you start to believe it, trust me. No joke, I will put something down on the table and come back ten minutes later and it'll be in another room. And this'll happen when I'm here all alone. I like to think my near-century old home has character.

This just wasn't my day, I have to say. I started off impaling the side of my knee (super awkward place for injury!) in the very sharp corner of my nightstand. That hurt. Who makes nightstands with corners that sharp anyway? Then I got stung by an insect I couldn't identify. And it stung me in the middle part of my arm where nurses stick needles in (also a super awkward place!). Then my dog got tangled up in his rope so when I went to fix it, he filled my shoes with dirt. I went over to clean them out with the hose and hit the side of my ankle into one of those irritating needlepoint weeds. One of them stuck into my ankle (another really awkward place for an injury!) So, that made for discomfort all freakin day.

But! Yes, folks, there's a but! My room is clean and organized so I'm at least glad about that.

Cheers, Everyone! The Headless Horseman Has Arrived!

2010-08-10T01:05:00.000-07:00

Music, music, music. On the one hand, my beloved music is a cruel lover who pokes at my sorest spot. On the other hand, what would I do with myself if I couldn't headbang and kareoke the night and early morning away to it when I'm so damned sad that I want to drown myself in a bucket of water. Oh yes, a bucket. Because I'm morbidly whimsical that way.

I'm so distracted. So out of it. So....AHHH! Confused and emotionally mixed up right now. It's weirdness and insanity.

"You'll never see the moments coming that will for ever mutilate your life-at least not until after they've mowed you down." (SAVITAR)

“Of course life is bizarre, the more bizarre it gets, the more interesting it is. The only way to approach it is to make yourself some popcorn and enjoy the show.”

“To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.”

“Love is like seaweed; even if you have pushed it away, you will not prevent it from coming back.”

“Trying to make someone fall in love with you is about as pointless as trying to control who you fall in love with.”

“If you have to think about whether you love someone or not then the answer is no. When you love someone you just know.”

“Love is what makes two people sit in the middle of a bench when there is plenty of room at both ends”

“The supreme irony of life is that hardly anyone gets out of it alive.”

And so many more things of the like are dancing about my head, demanding that I find myself a muse so I can spill them out on paper or computer screen or whatever medium is most convenient.

Rolls The Dice

2010-08-05T02:56:00.000-07:00

Wouldn't life be simpler if you could just roll the dice and see what you get? Option seven? Awesome. Let's go with that.

Hmn, let's try this out and see if it works. I'm going to write out a list of options and I'm going to roll a set of dice (really) just to see if this form of decision making works.

1) Just say yes
2) Hold on for what you really want
3) Eat a cookie
4) Just end it
5) Read a book and ignore your problems
6) Lock yourself in your room until the problems go away
7) Cut ties with everyone to avoid future problems
8) Try to make everyone else happy
9) Run away
10) Ask someone for advice and go with what they say
11) Blog about it pointlessly ^_^
12) Roll the dice again for another answer

Ok, now to go and get the dice out of the Yahtzee box

Hahaha, number 8. That figures. So the usual then?

I should never do these sorts of experiments.

This Would Be The Perfect Time To Get Fairy Godparents

2010-08-05T02:36:00.000-07:00

Annoyed. Lonely. Depressed. Tired. Disappointed. Mad. Sad. Probably crazy. Loving. Hating. Wanting. Crying. Don't ya hate it when you're feeling fifty things at once and you know it? Normally we aren't aware of more than one or two feelings at a time. We're pretty good about that. But sometimes you're feeling it all at once and it bites. Not sure what to feel because you're feeling everything.

Creative. Defeated. Broken. Excited. Scared. Embarrassed. I'm actually not just throwing random things in, either. Just the ones I'm feeling right now. Isn't that weird?

Impatient. Mortified. Rejected. Insulted. Apprehensive. You ever just start to feel like you don't give a flying Sharkey....'s knitting needle....about anything in the world anymore? Just could care less whether you live or die, what you do, where you are. You're just there. Going with the flow and feeling like you've completely given up. I'm at that stage. It's not a nice stage. Or at least I would think it wasn't a nice stage, if I really cared what stage I'm at.

Confused. Worthless. Angry. Miserable. Stupid. Like I'm in a constant state of pain. Like crap. Can't forget that one.

IN love. IN hate. IN who the hell knows what? Getting lost in books and in tv shows and in daydreams. Anything but reality.

Standing under the showerhead and just staring at the wall, hoping it's going to start talking back in a wise-sounding voice that seems to know the answers to all. Like the giant turtle thing from Avatar: The Last Airbender.

Spill it, Timmy. Where did you get Cosmo and Wanda?

Eros, You Are So Losing This Battle To Eris

2010-08-05T02:15:00.000-07:00

"Love is one big complicated board game that no one knows the rules to and everyone is playing their own way. We just keep rolling the dice and scooting across the spaces around and around, hoping to eventually land on the right one." ( from my un-published novel, which will end up as popular as Brian Griffin's "Faster Than The Speed of Love")

Men, love, people, life, *screams on the inside*. Good grief. Complicated. Annoying. Wild. Depressing. Trying. Failing. Screwing up. Guy one. Guy two. Guy three. Random chick. ^_^ Oye ve. Relationships bite. Like a virus-carrying mosquito. Sharkey disagrees, since she votes the mosquitoes kill you quicker. Which is true.

Life is never like it is in romance novels. Lol. No sexy dark-hunter to love you despite your flaws, who comes out of no where, larger than life, totally bad ass but sweet and caring too. Ha! The women who are supposed to be "average" or "flawed" in those novels are like stunningly perfect next to the real thing. I would LOVE to be the kind of "average" the women in those books are. Man, I love my books, but they can be SOOO depressing.

Love. WTH? Yeah, that pretty much defines it. It's supposed to be the ultimate in the world. The best and worst thing. The greatest treasure. It's more like complicated, exhausting, irritating CHAOS.

A Witchy Note

2010-07-28T22:17:00.000-07:00

I will probably be gone this weekend and I just don't update my blog enough so I shall post my little message now. This weekend is Lughnusadh or Lamas or Harvest Day, whatever you want to call it. So I wanted to say Happy Lughnusadh to all my friends that celebrate it.

Btw, my favorite Wiccan just started up a blog and podcast for fellow Wiccans and Pagans. So, check out The Witchling Hour. There's a link on my page.

Here, Talent Fairy!

2010-07-28T22:00:00.000-07:00

You know what would be really nice? To have something to myself. Something that makes me unique. Something that no one I know does or does better. It would be nice if just once everyone didn't do everything better than me. Everyone else I know has "a thing" and I don't mean that in a creepy over PG-13 way. Everyone I know has something that they do that no one else can manage. Mediocre just bites. I want to find the Talent Fairy, probably located in Talent, Oregon (yes, this is a real place) and I want to steal her bag of Talent Dust and switch it with the Boredom Fairy's Boredom Dust (stolen last month at that Fairy convention I crashed. You'd be surprised where a pair of sparkly purple wings will get you).

I Need to Get Published Yesterday

2010-07-14T01:35:00.000-07:00

I've been published now maybe....eight or nine times? (Not counting our lovely highschool publication ^_^) In various anthologies over the years. What I need is to get a book published. Wouldn't it be nice to make a little money doing something that you love? I'm surrounded by writers. All my friends and I write. Wouldn't it be fantastic if we were the next Rowling, Kenyon, King and Koontz? I'm not optimistic or stupid enough to think I'll ever make a living doing this. Not that I wouldn't LOVE to. But it would be so nice to have a little help paying for school by putting my love for writing to work. My best friend and I have finally come up with the perfect plot for a story we started up way back when I was a sophomore in highschool. If we can just get it written, I think it might actually be good enough to be published. Will we become famous? Probably not. Rich? No way. But if we're lucky we might get ourselves a little pocket cult fandom somewhere who thinks we're awesome. It would be great to be one of those authors that a some group of random fangirls somewhere writes weird fanfiction for.

Give Me Coffee or Give Me Death

2010-07-14T01:22:00.000-07:00

I have to get up in like four hours. So what am I doing still up? Some combination of creative juices flowing and just that I never get to bed anytime before five anymore. Consequences be damned. In a few hours it's off to help my friend paint her room. What I want to do right now is write. I've been wanting to write for DAYS. I can't wait until this next semester starts. I have time to read and write when I'm in school. Free time on campus and that trick at home where I write under the guise of homework. Muhahahaha. Greatest reason to take Fiction Workshop. Writing for homework? Best kind. I grrr at my math equations. But getting to write a little fiction makes up for that.

Disclaimer: This is an Airbender Spoiler

2010-07-07T03:02:00.000-07:00

So, the new movie The Last Airbender is based on this EPIC tv series Avatar: The Last Airbender. The story follows the adventures of Aang and his friends in his quest to defeat the Fire Lord and bring peace to the four nations. The series is fantastic. Naturally, we've all been waiting for this film since long before there was talk of the film. And now that I've seen it, I can honestly say that I have never been so disappointed. It's depressing, really, just how much it's been butchered. It's a freakin American made tv series and yet they decided everyone needed to try to put an Asian sounding spin on it because it's Anime, no matter how white the characters are. Newsflash, the nations cover the globe. Not just Asia. Oye ve. They changed names, they took out key characters. They even took out things that make the characters who they are. Katara's hair loopies and Sokka's dumb jokes, for example. Not in there. And I hate when films go out of order or worse, add stuff in. I swear, not once have I seen a book/tv show made into a movie and the movie turned out decent (except in the case of Lotr and Fullmetal Alchemist) Overall, when a book/tv show is turned into a movie, they butcher it. They don't do it justice. And it kinda hurts. On their own, some of them are good films so long as you are not a rabid fangirl for the books or tv show. In this case, this is a much beloved series that they totally destroyed on screen. And to make matters worse for them, the film cannot stand by itself. If you haven't seen the series, you'll have absolutely no idea what in the hell is going on. GIVE US THE KYOSHI WARRIORS! AND THE CABBAGE GUY! MAKE SOKKA TELL DUMB JOKES ABOUT MEAT! And don't get me started on how much I wish you hadn't cast Zuko the way you did. Or Uncle Iroh. Not to mention, Azula. Ew. Just ew. I've never been so disappointed in a film before. Which is particularly sad because I had damn low standards for it in the first place. Instead of making that awful movie, the Avatar writers should have made another book for the tv series, the only flaw being that it ended on a complete cliffhanger.

Like All Good Little Sheep

2010-06-02T21:48:00.001-07:00

So, I have a Livejournal now. I have like every popular freakin thing now. So, yeah, I'm darkhuntress137 on Livejournal. Fun stuff.

From Big Bad Wolf to Winnie the Pooh

2010-05-24T23:07:00.000-07:00

   No one is afraid of me now. I remember when people used to jump out of their skin if I so much as grinned at them. What am I now? I'm about as threatening as cotton candy.
   Now if I tell someone to get the fuck away from me before I break their arm off, you know what they do? They giggle and hug me. What the hell is that? I used to be a force to be reckoned with. Now I'm a stuffed panda you stick in the baby's crib.
   I've gone so soft, I'm freaking pudding. I am so nice that it seriously pisses me off every time someone says I'm a bitch. Clearly they haven't seen mean. I used to be the Queen of Mean. No one crossed me. Now elderly people would have the wrinkled balls to poke me and hobble away laughing.
   I never used to need defending. I never needed a body guard or backup. I was the mother fucking atomic bomb, not the president sitting in his office chair pushing on the Easy Button.
   I did what everyone wanted. I went all nice and huggable. But now no one respects me. And I'm still not good enough. Fuck. Now I don't even have an identity AND I'm still miserable. I'm so damn timid, I want to shoot myself.
   I can't even scare outsiders anymore with my damn friends disrespecting me in front of them and picking on me. Shit. This bites. At least when I was the Ice Queen everyone hated, no one had the guts to say shit to my face out of fear that I'd either break some of their bones or put a hex on them with one of the black magic vodou dolls they assumed I carried on my person. I guess I traded in one evil for another. This is my life. I'm not exactly permitted to get an upgrade.
   All I was trying to do was be a better person. But I've pretty much realized I'll never be good enough. And now it's too freakin late to go back. I'm stuck in this awful cotton candy nicety shit.
   I don't like myself. Never have. Don't now. Probably never will. And I don't really care anymore. I give up on trying to be something that will let people like me. I'm tired of trying to become something that is for everyone else. I think maybe I'll try out my misery without trying to be something I'm not. It may be time to face the facts. I'm just a fucked up jaded bitch with a serious case of needing to go crawl into a hole and hide from the world.
   I swear, the next person at school who thinks its ok to throw stuff at my head or call me a fat bitch just because my friends make fun of me, is going to lose an arm and a leg and I won't give them a refund.
   I never wanted to do anything to anyone. I just wanted the world to leave me alone. I only grew an ice cold heart and put on a bullet proof jacket of bitchy because I was tired of bleeding all over the bedsheets.
   I tried so hard. I made so many changes. Just to please everyone else. I made myself into something that isn't me. I'm just as miserable as before and no more liked than I was when I was mean. And now I can't go back. I'm not sure I'd even know how.
   I just hate what I've become all in an attempt to make people love me. It only made me hate myself more.
   I make the conscious decisions to change things about myself. All the way down to my handwriting. I am so controlled, it's crazy. I changed myself to all the things that people wanted me to be over the last couple years. And it's driving me nuts. I'm even more controlled now than I was before.
   Is it any wonder that I spend more time wishing I could go to sleep and never wake up than I do wanting to get up in the morning and go out into the world? If I could, I'd lock myself in my room and never come out again.

Three A.M. IM

2010-05-14T02:42:00.001-07:00

So, I'm IM Conferencing with Brian and Mark. Well, they're conferencing. I'm kinda just there. Since I lack a part in the conversation, I decided to go and blog. And then type HA into their Conference. And they won't know why. It'll be because I'm talking about them on my blog. So Ha.

Made Of Fail

2010-05-12T23:58:00.000-07:00

I want to write. But I just can’t seem to make anything show up on the page. Likely it’s due to what I’m feeling right now. Writing is so near and dear to me. It just seems right that I would be good at it. But I’m not. I’ve been writing for half of my life. And I suck at it. Almost ten years and I have made so little progress. The only significant difference between my work from ten years ago and now is that my vocabulary has gotten a bit better. It almost makes me want to stop writing forever. Perhaps go in search of something I can do somewhat decently. There must be something. At least, I would hope so. But I can’t stop. It would be like ripping an arm off and throwing it away. So what am I supposed to do? Keep writing crap or start spilling my own blood? Ugh. Where’d my pen go?

Damn it all to hell. I want to write. No, this isn’t writing. This is….ranting? Raving? Rambling? Reiterating my innermost thoughts? What is it? Self-pity? Yeah, that’s the one. Blogging? Journaling? All of those things.

Muse, why did you ever inspire me? Why did you do this to me? What is the good of being driven to do this, this thing that I love, when I do not have the skills for it? Then it just hurts. It’s like giving someone the undeniable urge to carve life size figurines and then letting them have access to a woodshop when they’ve never before even been in one. Who chose this gift for me? The drunken bitchy fairy from Ella Enchanted?

And why do so many people have to be so good at the one and only thing I want to do? People who have a writing career that’s lasted ten minutes can write a better piece than I can and I’ve been trying for ten years.

Shouldn’t people love what they are good at?

God, is this some sort of cruel joke because I haven’t been a good Christian? If I had been a good child, would I have fallen in love with something I was good at? Would I have been able to play the clarinet or paint a masterpiece? Would I have been smart? Or pretty? Yeah, I know. It’s not the man upstairs to blame for me being made of Fail. I probably just gobbled up a lot of Fail as a child. Or beat out all the Win during those “beat your head against the wall” tantrums from my youth.

My Memory Muse Died

2010-05-12T23:33:00.000-07:00

Ugh. Just ugh. Sometimes there are little things I tell myself I'm going to write down and for the life of me I can't remember what they are when I finally get to a piece of paper to write them down. Dammit all. I just had one of those moments. I hate those moments.

Sweet Blog, I have missed thee

2010-05-11T21:56:00.000-07:00

Damn, I missed this thing. I don't even know what to rant about, I'm so thrilled to have it back. Hmn.....

Ok, how about this.

So, I was watching Merlin (the newest episode) and was quite amused to see Uther's face upon realizing that he had not only married a very disgusting troll but that he'd also consumated said marriage with said troll.

That was it.

I can't remember what I wanted to blog about today. I'm being so distracted by the how glad I am to have my blog back that I have no idea what my idea was.

So.......

Peace out.

I shall return.

Maybe not tomorrow, since I have class and will be out late....

But definitely Thursday.

If I were the Happy Type

2010-05-11T21:49:00.001-07:00

I would jump around for joy because I have my blog back! YAY!

Help me out here, Technology Gods

2010-05-11T21:48:00.000-07:00

So, I went through every setting on this thing and I think I fixed the problem and should be able to see the text in here now. *almost hopes*

Ugh. Still not working. I wonder why not. I really miss this blog.

2010-05-11T21:36:00.000-07:00

http://totally-a-wannabe-author.weebly.com/

2010-03-12T01:06:00.001-08:00

Drat. I am going to have to get a new blog. This thing is not working.

2010-03-12T00:04:00.000-08:00

growls and curses in French Blog still not working. But I don't want to get a new one...

2010-01-16T03:04:00.000-08:00

Stupid blog...

2009-11-17T16:36:00.001-08:00

So, what? I'm going to have to have super long titles whenever I want to blog something? Ugh. I don't want to take the time to get a new blog...

2009-11-17T16:35:00.001-08:00

Why is my blogger not working?

2009-11-17T16:34:00.000-08:00

And still not working!

2009-11-17T16:33:00.001-08:00

Die Homework Monster!

2009-11-17T16:23:00.000-08:00

My Blogger is not working!

2009-10-27T17:15:00.001-07:00

Witchapalooza!

2009-10-11T20:06:00.001-07:00

WAS AWESOME!!!

WE HUGGED THE LEAD SINGER OF THE REMUS LUPINS!!!

Why Murphy?

2009-10-02T17:20:00.000-07:00

I despise my life. I really do. I have come to the conclusion that all the evasive manuevers I take to stay out of trouble inevitably lead me into more trouble than I was anticipating to begin with. It really rather sucks. It's Murphy's Law. Everything that can go wrong, will go wrong. And it always does. This is my life. I should really be used to it by now.

Grandma Lee Should Have Won

2009-10-02T02:48:00.000-07:00

I liked the Chicken Catcher and all, really...but he beat Barbera Padilla? Seriously? Oh well, America has spoken. Hmn, George W. Bush did win after all...

Congrats Kevin!

Almost three in the morning

2009-10-02T02:45:00.000-07:00

Yes, it is. And I should really be getting to sleep.

So, just a note:

KISS and BUCKCHERRY at ARCO ARENA!!!

WITHCHAPALOOSA at ARCO ARENA!!!

I like Arco Arena now...

GOING TO BOTH?

Hopefully.

Random?

Yes.

Why?

Hello? It's three in the morning. Brain goes off at midnight.

Rejection!

2009-09-05T21:41:00.000-07:00

I totally got left out of the loop this time. Not on standard gossip, not on some school goings on that hardly apply to me. Oh no! I got left standing in the rain without an umbrella by my own sister! She had a boyfriend without ever telling me! I mean, it was horrible for her. He dumped her between two class periods but she never told me! Ugh. I feel so left out. She only talks to me. No one else. And yet she told mom but not me! What the hell? *grrr* Not cool. I tell her when she asks about my tragic usually non-existant love life. Well, except that one time...nevermind. I guess I understand. Mostly.

America's Got Talent

2009-09-03T12:37:00.000-07:00

VOTE GRANDMA LEE!!!

Fan Fiction

2009-09-03T12:22:00.000-07:00

What is it with people that frequent fanfic sites and just have to compliment the skills of EVERY SINGLE damn person that posts a story that wants to masquerade as decent fiction? Good God, fanfiction.net has some of the WORST fics I have ever read and no one ever says anything even slightly critical. They just praise! Excessively! What in the hell? That just makes people who write something good seem less talented. It puts them on the same level as crap. Thanks, guys. Geez, get a set and tell people the truth. Be polite about it, sure, but say something honest.

Give Me the Backseat

2009-08-25T17:33:00.000-07:00

Life is such a drag sometimes. Sometimes you get to the point where you aren't sure if everything you are going through is worth getting out of bed in the morning to go through. Why can't we just sit in our rooms forever? Time wouldn't pass and nothing would ever change. There wouldn't be anyone yelling at you. No one would die. You wouldn't have to age. There would be no reason to cry. I want to get in the car and just keep going for all eternity. The wind across my face and the radio playing. It's the greatest moment and it just doesn't seem to ever last long enough. It's the perfect time to think. It's calming. I can't figure out the source of its therapeutic properties. I only know they are there. I'm tired of getting up, tired of getting to my feet after being knocked down and then pounded into the ground. I just want to ride in the backseat for the next eighty or so years.

So, you've probably noticed that

2009-08-21T08:44:00.000-07:00

I am quite obsessed with Greek Mythology. So, dork that I am and nerd in love with Greek mythology that I most certainly am, I have the Disney movie Hercules. I decided to watch it this morning at like eight a.m. because I didn't sleep a wink, literally, last night so why bother "sleeping in", right? Obviously when you watch Disney films as a kid, you really don't notice the adult humor they throw in, the accuracy of mythological or literary references, etc. Now, I do, because I am indeed the Queen of Dorkdom College Student that watches Disney movies. It was partially accurate. The Odysseus, Achilles, Jasonesque rant was right. Hercules' heritage? Not so much. The movie has him as Zeus and Hera's son and his mortalness due to Hades. Hercules, originally a Heracles was the son of Alcmene, someone else's wife, of course. Hera tried to kill Hercules, actually. Disney fails to point out Zeus's constant infidelity but has no problem showing Aphrodite, Hephaestus's wife, coming onto Phil. Lovely, Disney. For the record, Hades was not such a insane evil villain. In fact, he was no worse than any other God in the pantheon. He just never got along with his brother Zeus. Not to mention, as a God he can't be ugly. The only unattractive God was Hephaestus, son of Hera. (Are you noticing that they are all related?) The falling in love with Megara part is accurate. The mythical Hercules did do that. But, eventually Hera tricked Hercules into a terrible rage and he killed Megara and all of their children. With the help of Hermes and Athena, he eventually became a God, having been promised immortality by Apollo, and even though Hera made him miserable the entire time. Hades had nothing to do with Hercules being a mortal dude. And the taking over the world and Olympus thing? Didn't happen. Then Herc married Deianira, who accidentally poisoned her husband with what she thought was love potion. Unable to stand the pain, hunky guy throws himself into a fire pit to burn alive. Luckily, Zeus asked Hera to give up her grudge because he thought his son has suffered enough. She agreed and ol' Hercules joined the Gods. Though, I'm doubting Hera was happy about it. Disney didn't tell it quite like that. And they made Hera a very sweet little dainty woman, which she certainly was not. A perfect match for Zeus because of her strength, stubbornness and temper, the character was a little...off. Lol. Aphrodite was done quite well. The Titans were not. They were not so creatureesque. They were like the Gods, powerful and humanoid. Not to mention, not all of them were imprisoned. Plenty served Zeus. Despite inaccuracy, I love the movie. It is witty, amusing and the Greek Mythology, though somewhat...skewed...is still a major plus for me. Gotta love the Hydra who thinks he can eat Herc. And of course the awesome Hades super pissedoffness at Hercules's continueing defeat of his monsters. Not to mention, that Hades's servants are consuming Herc's merchandise. The temper is great. The references are fun. "Pandora had the box. The Trojans got on the wrong horse." Its great.

Yes, this was kinda like a review. I'm sorry. I didn't sleep last night. I have no idea what could have come over me.

Haunting the Haunter

2009-08-20T13:50:00.000-07:00

So, the first question is, do you believe in ghosts? If not, you may find this following post to be a little weird. Now, I'm not going to say that there is or that there isn't. I am merely going to present evidence, a list of strange occurrences at my home over the last month or so. You've probably seen a ghost-related show or two. Ghost Hunters, Paranormal State, Haunted America, Most Haunted, etc. Now, when you watch these shows, some of them bother to stop and try to explain some of what happens. In Ghost Hunters, this is called debunking. Most other shows aren't quite as happy to show the viewer that half of their experiences can be debunked. Which makes Ghost Hunters more credible than other shows. Now, the things I am going to list, some I can explain and others I cannot. It all started about a month ago when I first began digging toward the back of my property. This may have absolutely nothing to do with the occurrences, but is nonetheless the first event that comes to mind. Around this time, my dad and I started joking about having a poltergeist. We've been saying that on and off for years as every six to eight months we have a month or so long period of strange luck around the house. Things go missing. Things reappear in strange places. Things fall over or slam shut in the night. Things open by themselves. Just little things you don't think about much. Other times, there are nights (don't laugh) usually falling close to the end of the waxing moon in which we have been known to see large shadows, dark forms moving about, hear unnerving sounds, etc. Recently, I have been the only one home most days which makes some of the things that happen creepier. Before, we could individually blame someone else living in the house as the culprit. As it stands, I cannot very well blame my dog for moving things around on me. One, she is a small dog and no matter how good a jumper she may be, chances are she is not going to find her way onto counters and tables to pick up things she could care less about and place them in various spots around the house. Two, in recent years she has become more of a napping dog and she rarely leaves my side. The other dog in the house is also unlikely to commit such deeds as he never leaves my dog's side. And, he happens to be half the size of my little Shiloe. Some of the things that have most recently made me jump out of my skin include a shovel that I keep in the backyard appearing on my bedroom floor, a sleeping bag rolling itself up without the help of human hands, a flash of white that seems to like 1:00 a.m., and all the flashlights in the house, which had new batteries in them since we had had a birthday campout at my house the week before, having died sometime within the same day. On the flashlights thing, you could easily say that they died because we had used them at my campout. We used only two of them (there are six in total) and only when we left the tent since we had a large tv that provided plenty of light for seeing. You could also say that I have no idea when they died. We each keep separate flashlights in our room, in case we need them. I had checked them all the day before because my sister hadn't wanted me to take down the tent, so I left everything in there so she could go inside the tent to watch tv. She didn't use the flashlights, btw, since she only went in during the day. So, I know they died sometime in between five that evening and seven the following evening. I wanted to use a flashlight the next day because the lights starting flickering and then went out for about an hour. Things that people see can rarely be proven since it is unlikely that you will be carrying a video camera that is on around with you when something occurs. So, I see little reason to list the many things I have seen, except maybe a couple favorites. The first favorite being that I glanced toward my desk, on which were my workgloves, and wasn't really paying attention. It looked like my gloves stood up, took a long step, and fell over. I turned, confused by the movement. They had been on top of a box and were now on the surface of the desk. The second thing was when I was taking the dogs out, at maybe around midnight one evening, I saw what looked like a large dark mass in the shape of an animal crawling slowly on top the stone wall toward my backyard. The dogs started barking, so I shooed them inside and then came back out with a flashlight. (this was not one of the house flashlights in case you were wondering, its the one for the backroom when we take the dogs out at night) The mass was still there but it had stopped moving. I shined the flashlight at the wall and there was nothing there. I considered what could have made what looked like a moving shadow. I really didn't expect to see any shadows since it was extremely dark and there is absolutely nothing on the other side of that wall. No trees, no buildings. Nothing. Not even grass. The only light came from my house, and it was a dull glow just around the sidewalk in the backyard. The wall is out of range of the light. The only light was the moonlight, which was very pale and it was somewhat cloudy that night. I really had no idea what I saw. But it had to be something or the dogs wouldn't have started barking in that direction. As of now, I have only "debunked" one of my houses occurrences. Every door in the house opens and closes on its own. I can explain the bathroom and office doors. When you close one, the other opens. Likewise, if you open one, the other closes. This happens because they are on opposite sides of the same room from each other. My door can sometimes be explained by the open window. However, it does the same thing when no windows are open and we have no vents, so that one I haven't quite figured out yet.
I have been told and have seen myself what appears to be an older man walking about the property and sometimes into the house. He seems to be a kindly old fellow. The only older man that I can remember from the realtor's storytelling was the one that was killed here when he owned my house. I doubt it would be the same guy as the one she mentioned was murdered and put in a truck in the attic, above my closet to be more precise. (There is, oddly enough, a crack in the roof of my closet as if something heavy were sitting atop it. It has been growing steadily worse over the years, which is especially strange since according to my parents, the one time they dared go up there, there was absolutely nothing up there. I wont go up there and my mother refused to ever do so again. She never told me why.) Personally, I'm hoping that the roof never falls through and reveals something was indeed sitting over my closet.
Well, that'll have to bring my weird rantcapade to a close. Gotta go do dishes.

Blogtastic

2009-08-20T13:38:00.000-07:00

On a third but of equal entertainment level, which I assume is mild at best, I have come to the realization that there is indeed truth to some of the points of the single dad cliche. Now, don't get me wrong, I totally love living with one parent. When we had both my parents, it was always miserable around here. Since mom left, the miserable percentage of 99.999999999% has reduced to around 49.999999999%. I quite enjoy the new number. One thing I am not so fond of is that dads, with the exclusion of fathers in the food industry, don't always know what to do in a food crisis. For example, last night all the power to Galt went out. (Galt is the tiny little hicktown we know and love...well, I love it) There was no food in the house and dad needed to pick up dinner. My poor dad can never remember my sister and my likes or dislikes, or even what we are allergic to. Sometimes, the exact date of my birthday slips his mind. (He remembers Kallie's because its a week before his) So, he finds a store that the manager let him in, even though it was closed. He buys a bag of bbq chips and three large microwave burritos. Now, I despise burritos, with a passion. Kallie never eats just one. And dad was out of soda. Dinner ended up consisting of burritos, chips, waffles and milk. Now, I care for neither burritos or waffles (at least not at night). It was close to 9 o'clock at this point. I didn't get dinner. Though I grabbed some crackers around midnight, after dad had gone to sleep. I couldn't grab anything earlier, as I would have had to admit that I was still hungry because I hate burritos and gave mine to my sister. Considering his foul mood, I didn't consider that option. The point of this rather lengthy rant is that I really feel like a college student. Sit in my pajamas, playing on my laptop and eating strange conjunctions of food all inbetween classes, which I take only two days a week. Now if I just had a car to complain about my inability to afford gas for.

Failure to Launch

2009-08-20T13:33:00.001-07:00

So, I was planning on finally taking my permit test this morning. I got up early, after staying up until one in the morning studying, only for my dad to realize suddenly that I couldn't even take it because my mother had absconded with my birth certificate when she left. Not to mention, my SS card. And my library card, but that is somewhat less important. So, I'm at home, twittering and blogging because I have nothing better to do. On a secondary note, I only added Twitter today for the sole purpose of locating my friend Sharkey who is basically unreachable. ALL THE TIME. And I figured I might as well finally give in and add that damn thing, giving one more site possibility of catching her online. Yes, the anti-sheep has gone sheep.

I swear On The Grave That Will One Day Be Mine

2009-08-13T16:31:00.000-07:00

Cupcake is indeed afraid of the dark

It's Tool Time

2009-08-11T19:27:00.000-07:00

So, a couple days ago, my beloved friend Morgan decided it would be fun to climb out my window. The window sill snapped off, clean through. Left the nails behind. The wood is the same wood that has been there since my house's construction began in 1938. It was bound to happen. So, I hide it from dad and then today I went out to fix it. As I was nailing the board back in place as temporary, since what it needs is a new board, the screen moved forward and screws rather than nails. Dad drives up early behind me when I'm like half way done. First he laughs at me because I'm a girl with a hammer and whether I can use it or not, I probably look like a girl when I'm fixing things. He laughs and goes, "You been sneaking out at night?" I smile and say no. He basically called how it happened, just not who did it. So I told him Morgan was trying to open the window and it snapped off and she felt totally bad which is why I fixed it without telling him. He kinda just smiled at me and took my hammer to put in the last nail. For the record, guys, some girls can fix things.

Physics Be Damned

2009-08-11T13:51:00.000-07:00

Ooh, I could kick myself. How pathetic is it when you're going back through your own blog entries out of boredom? I have other stuff to do. I just don't want to. *kicks*

Because I Threatened This

2009-08-11T12:57:00.001-07:00

Cupcake is afraid of the dark

So I Can Howl at the Moon

2009-08-11T12:40:00.000-07:00

I swear this new sleep schedule is going to kill me. It was "bad" enough after I graduated because then I was able to fall into a more comfortable sleeping pattern for me. I like being up at night and sleeping during the day. I was like that as a kid too and thats why mom always used to call me her Vampire child. So when I didn't have anywhere I absolutely had to go anymore, I went to bed around three or four am and got up around one or two in the afternoon. Now, I have a to-do list that's keeping this fat ass up too many hours. Bedtime is five to seven am and out-of bed time is anywhere between eight and twelve. It's a cruel sleep schedule. And then there are those nights where I get to the point that I've stayed up too late to get up early and can't go to bed without missing my early wake-up. I think the circles under my eyes are permanent. Oh well, it's not like I have beauty pageants to win. I don't think the handful of people I see are going to care. Especially since on a normal day I see my sister who likes walking around in single-article outfits and Dad who probably thinks after all this time that I just naturally have dark circles under my eyes. They match my dark soul, I imagine. I like looking creepy, so looking dead should help my cause. I'm kind of rambing right now but I'm also half dead so for all I know, I'm typing this and the keyboard is three feet away. Let's pretend I didn't stop to check.

Dictionary 2

2009-08-10T23:01:00.000-07:00

the Russians: the imaginary assassins we blame the bumps in the night near Mark's house on (AMANDA and MARK)

pinwheel: a very odd term for virginity (AMANDA)

fangirl squee: high-pitched squeal emitted over books, movies, shows, mangas, and other various fandom related activities (AMANDA and KATE)

(ws) WIP: work in progress

Crazula: this is a fandom nickname for Azula from Avatar the Last Airbender, originated around Season Three when she started going a bit wonky

The Dictionary to End All Dictionaries

2009-08-10T14:26:00.000-07:00

Not quite as boring as it sounds. I promise. A year and half or so back, a couple of my friends and I came up with the idea of making a little dictionary for some of the strange things our close friends say and write. More than once I've been told by an "outsider" how weird it is stumbling upon one of our conversations because they have almost no idea what we are talking about a good portion of the time. And God help the adults that come across us. You take our own personal little language and sprinkle it with modern slang and its bound to sound alien. So, I've been working on a more complete form the last couple of months. So, I thought I would treat my...like three?...readers to a few of my favorites.

KEY:

(ph)-phrase
(MH)-a Michael word (Big Mike has a little tendency to spell like a three year old. No, I take
that back. That's insulting to three year olds) It's ok, Michael, we love you anyway.
Except Mark.
(LC)-something that exists or is used in the Lady Camille Series, my funny short stories series
(HP)-Harry Potter Related
(SK)-relating or pertaining to the wonderful Dark-Hunter world as written by the Author
Goddess, Sherrilyn Kenyon
(SW)- Star Wars related
(IY)-InuYasha related
(WS)-Writer Stuff
(AW)- Aspen Wylde, a novel written by the Warren Sisters

(explanatory character) word-definition (possibly the creator or primary user(s) of this term)

Prandea: Mark's imaginary empire, which he would like to think governed us over the course of roughly a year and a half. It died several times. I killed it twice. Good times. (MARK)

Qua?: meaning "What the fuck?" (SAM)

The Brainwave: this is the mythical magical connection between members of "The Group". It originated from the fact that on more than one occasion, various members would speak the same thought at once. Or begin finishing eachother's sentences. Or even filling in what the other wanted to say without asking for prior confirmation that they were correct and being correct. (AMANDA and KATE)

The Group: Our name for our group of friends. Clever, right? It consists of the Originals and the Adopted, as well as those that simply refused to go away until they had eventually grown on us. Much like a fungus. (AMANDA and KATE)

ish: meaning "Well, a little", "kinda", or "not really but somewhat" (AMANDA)

(ph) "It's so Harry Potter Brokeback Mountain": meaning "It's so fantastically gay" (DIPPY)

(mh) goob: "good" (MICHAEL)

Scale of One to Edward Cullen: Twilight-based rating system *gag* (MORGAN and KATE)

browsing silence: this is a special type of silence that Morgan can identify over that phone which includes the person on the other end browsing through a book or manga (MORGAN)

(sk) Simi: actually means "baby" in Charonte but though her name is really Xiamara, she believes her name to be Simi. She is the Charonte companion and adopted daughter of Acheron (SHERRILYN KENYON)

(lc) Baba-Mobile: a shower-curtained bathtub driven by the retired Death Goddess Baba Yaga in the land of Galtonia (AMANDA)

(aw) Poofy Room: the term Artemis, Aspen's feline familiar, uses in place of the term WTGS shuttle as written in the world of Aspen Wylde, a novel written by the Warren Sisters) (AMANDA)

(ws) Fanon: fan-created fact that is not supported by the official/original source. Ex: that Qui Gon's master was Yoda

(hp) Voldemort: Voldy was the big baddie of Harry's world (J.K. Rowling)

badassical: the one-night stand resulted in this bastard love-child between Radical and Badass

confuckulated: TOTALLY screwed up

Solstitute: a whore at a Solstice Festival (SAM)

Pansyitis: if you don't get what that "illness" consists of, get out. Get out now. (AMANDA)

To Be Continued...

Haunting with the dead

2009-08-04T16:28:00.000-07:00

Now, before you call me creepy or send me an angry message about how it's sick and wrong to go to a cemetary for "the fun of it", read my explanation. Cemetaries are home to beautiful, though admittedly morbid, artwork. There are clear cultural ties and ancient styles. I'm not haunting with the dead by dressing up as a vampire and skulking through the headstones hoping to scare the visitors. And for the record, I have never stepped on someones grave. We walk carefully around every single one. No rudeness, no vandalism. Just admiration at the artwork. And respect for the dead.

Sometimes we see a first or last name that we rather like when we are touring the cemetaries. I don't see it as disrespectful to borrow a name here or there to use in our writing. Why can't it be a small gesture to honor their memory? Cemetaries are such a great Taboo in our culture. Not all that long ago, the trip before my last, someone asked me rather angrily why I would be taking a picture in the graveyard? Sometimes there is a particular piece of art that strikes me or a name, which I have nothing to scribble down on. I don't see this as disrespectful either. We truly mean no harm by it.

And so, because I feel that it is in no way wrong, rude or harmful, I have decided to post some of the pictures from my last trip to a cemetary. They were above, if you didn't notice.

Ooh, the choices...

2009-07-30T13:54:00.000-07:00

So, everyone decided they wanted dibs on the Amanda this weeked. On the one hand, we have a Dog Show I said I would attend first with one of my best friends. Second we have a family commitment to attend a barbecue with my brother's family. And third we have the Rockapaloosa, or however that is spelled, which obviously stands out as a rarer occurence with one of my other best friends. Now the Dog Show was something I agreed to go to before I was invited to the other two. The barbecue is a family thing and family with us is big. We're worse than the Greeks in My Big Fat Greek Wedding when it comes to family. And food. The concert of Rock madness and wonder, of course, is the one that I would love to say Hell Yes to. Alas, I cannot. In addition to our uncanny "blood is thicker than water" code, we have an honor code. Very old-world. We repay all those who have helped us. We protect our own. We honor commitments. I said yes to the Dog Show first, so that's where I'm off to. Luckily, it includes amusing company, if not a second mom who will lovingly lecture my sarcasm into a jar and then toss it out a window and the possibilty of spotting more of those leatherclad spiky guys that for some reason frequent dog shows. You would think they would be showing Rottweilers. I thought so. Apparently not. Small dogs, mostly. A terrier, a Spaniel. No "muscle of the dog world". Odd.

Digging up Dirt

2009-07-29T13:48:00.000-07:00

Well, actually, there seems to be as much glass in our dig site as there is dirt. Not to mention rust. Plenty of that. Yeah, I guess this requires explanation. My friend Morgan and I are digging in my backyard. About five or so years ago, some of our local gophers pushed some pieces of glass to the top in an area toward the back of my property. My younger sister and I decided to investigate. Though most of what emerged were the broken pieces of old bottles, dishware and various other old things, several fully intact pieces came out of it as well. We continued our digging all summer but once school started up again, we gave up on it. The project lay unattended for all this time. Recently, another of our pesky little neighbors (I do mean the gophers) pushed a fairly large piece roughly 70 year old glass to the surface. When I noticed it, it reminded me of our long ago project. My sister had no interest in the dirty work of "excavating artifacts" and so I called my friend, Morgan. She readily agreed. And now there are buckets and buckets of glass, metal and pottery sitting in my bedroom. Its alot more slow-going this time as we are being much more careful and having dug in only two places so far, the pieces we are finding likely go together which will make it much easier to sort them out. Currently I am only missing a few pieces to a large white dinner plate. Its only about 80 years old as compared to some of the things I have that date to the 1880s but its still a really fun project. Lengthy explanation over, the point of this seemingly pointless little rant was to voice my excitement at having found a piece of a very old whiskey bottle with the label actually mostly intact, as well as a Rum bottle with part of the name still on it, (the labels on the buried bottles rarely survive) and a metal spring which also survived its stay in the ground. Yayness.

This might strike you as odd

2009-07-29T13:36:00.000-07:00

Ok, maybe not odd for me, but I just had a thought. Oh, I know, shocking. Now, it is to be admitted that I am somewhat baised on the subject, considering my despisal of clowns but who was the genius who just suddenly came to the brilliant idea that we should dress a bunch of old guys in weird colorful suits, put them in some big ass shoes and a red nose, and paint their faces so we can't tell who they are? And then decided we were going to let them play with our children.

Ooh, scariness

2009-07-29T13:12:00.000-07:00

Just about the most frightening thing you can hear you dentist's assistant say to your dentist: "Ooh, you wanna try that?" while they're drilling into your jawbone. The lady throws her hands up in excitement, ceasing to suction the blood out of my mouth, and says that. That was a pretty scary line all on its own. Then it was followed by the words "new" and "experimental", at which point I figured it was time to get nervous. Luckily, I didn't get to be the guinea pig because apparently my tooth wasn't quite large enough to survive the procedure. Goodie. I thought that was bad. At least until it occured to me that my arm was starting to get a little numb. They had just given me yet another shot to numb the pain and by then I couldn't feel anything from my ear to my elbow. This sent up a red flag or two. Just how much is this going to hurt afterward if you've given me enough drugs to numb me down to my arm? I found out later that the answer was alot.
I am ever amused by the irony of life. And just how much the Universe likes to mess with us. He's sitting up there in his bean bag chair, sipping on a beer and eating popcorn, all the while watching our lives unfold like a TV series. Some of us are more amusing than others. My show, I imagine, is featured on Comedy Central. The day before I went to the dentist for my appointment of scariness, I worked outside all day with my friend Morgan. Amanda, idiot that she gets to be for the sake of Comedy Centrals millions, forgot to reapply the sunscreen. You know what ten hours of sun exposure and bare skin make? A really red snowperson. Thats what I got to be. But not just any sunburns, mind you. Oh no, I get burns across my back and the backside of my arms. That way I can lay on them for my three hour dental procedure. Thank you, Universe, for all those little things that bring a smile to my face each day. Granted, these things aren't particularly funny at the time that they occur.
And yet my favorite part of this week is the blunder of the year. Now for someone who is generally perceptive, this is a serious blunder. And unlike most of my stories, this one was funny when it happened, as well as after. My beloved cat Artemis...is not a girl. Oh yes, I forgot to check my cat's gender. They told us when we got the kittens they were both female. Despite the fact that everytime I've been told my pets were one they always turned out to be the other, I just decided to ignore better judgement. So I called Artemis a girl for months. Then one day, earlier this week, Artie lifted his tail up to walk in his prancy prissy style and my sister goes, "Oh my God, she has balls." This, of course, immediately drew my attention to the cat. And sure enough, she did. So Artemis is still Artemis but now we throw in the occasional "boy" to make sure he knows we've corrected our mistake. I'm not entirely sure he's forgiven me yet.

Amanda+Boredom+Computer still=Surveys and this is the strangest one yet

2009-06-09T17:17:00.000-07:00

: Q1) When showering, do you start the water and then get in, or get in then start the water? Start the water first

Q2) Do you read the labels on your shampoo bottle? Sometimes when I'm in the shower and I'm for some reason bored, yes.

Q3) Do you moan in the shower like the people on the Herbal Essences commercials? Not to date, no, I haven't.

Q4) Have you ever showered with someone of the opposite sex? Nope

Q5) Have you ever been forced to shower with one of your siblings? Nope, I'm glad to say.

Q6) Have you ever brushed your teeth in the shower? Nope

Q7) Have you ever dropped your soap on your foot? Several times

Q8) How old do you look? somewhere between 17 and 26, depending on who you ask

Q9) How old do you act? somewhere between 5 and 105, depending on when you see me

Q10) Whats the last song you sang? "Love Story"

Q11) Have you recently become a member of anything? Joined a Guild on Gaia

Q12) What are your plans for the weekend? Hang out at Julia's

Q13) Do you kiss with your eyes open or closed? closed

Q14) Whats the sexiest thing about Condoleeza Rice? Well, that name is totally sexy. What?!

Q15) Does anything on your body itch right now? Nope

Q16) Who's the sexiest famous woman alive? Let's be cliche and go with Angelina

Q17) Who's the sexiest famous man alive? Johnny Depp

Q18) Does every family have a crazy uncle? Mine does

Q19) Have you ever smuggled something into America? No

Q20) Does playing the guitar make a girl/guy more attractive? Totally

Q21) Do you live in a city with a good sports team? Um...

Q22) Have you ever finished off the popcorn and ate the junk from the bottom of the bag? Ew...

Q23) Have you ever had sex in a tent? No

Q24) What about in a boat? Also no

Q25) Have you ever dated a Goth? Yep

Q26) Would you rather receive amazing oral sex or have amazing sex? For once, I'm actually skipping a question.

Q27) Can you fix your own car? Not unless it has a flat tire, a chip in the paint or something I can duct tape

Q28) Would you want to kill George W Bush yourself if you were Guarunteed to get away with it? Nah

Q29) Should guys wear pink? They can if they want

Amanda+Boredom+Computer=Surveys

2009-06-09T16:23:00.000-07:00

1.) What is your name? Amanda

2.) Do you find it annoying when surveys ask for your name? Not particularly

3.) What do you plan to buy in the future? I was thinking about walking down to the store to get a sandwich in about an hour

4.) Where did you get the underwear you are currently wearing? Walmart, I think

5.) How many pairs of Converse do you own? One. They're green.

6.) Who is your favorite “That ’70s Show” character? Fez

7.) There is a mummy standing behind you. What do you do? Ask them if they know a guy named Rick O'Connell

8.) What do you think of Miley Cyrus? Not a fan

9.) Do you tend to think that you are always right? People think I do but I don't

10.) Top Five Favorite Songs: I love WAY too many songs to answer this accurately, but I'll give it a go anyway.
-"Hotel California" (The Eagles)
-"When You Say Nothing At All" (Alison Krauss)
-"Poison" (Alice Cooper)
-"A Thousand Miles" (Vanessa Carlton)
-"Walking On Broken Glass" (Annie Lennox)

11.) What was your favorite toy as a child? My stuffed Nala doll

12.) Have you thought more about your funeral, or your wedding? I have always made jokes about my funeral and what it will be like. I have never anticipated getting married. I find that highly unlikely to occur.

13.) Dinosaurs or Unicorns? Unicorns rock but dinosaurs is a wider catagory and I have always been fascinated by them.

14.) What is your favorite musical? Lol. One of the GHS ones, I'm sure.

15.) You need new jeans. Where do you go? Walmart, probably.

16.) Do you play the Sims 2? Nope

17.) Do you think Harry Potter is at all immoral to read? Not in the least. It's fiction. We should be allowed to escape this world and set our imaginations free in such places sometimes.

18.) What do you think of Maroon 5? Well, let's just scale of 1-5 this, shall we? No pun intended. (2)

19.) What about Coldplay? (2)

20.) Fall Out Boy? (2)

21.) Katy Perry? (4)

22.) How about The All-American Rejects? (4)

23.) Have you ever snuck into an R-rated movie when you weren’t old enough to see it without parents? Everytime I saw an R-rated movie before this last year.

24.) The Wii or Xbox 360? Wii

25.) Team Demi/Selena or Team Miley? What?

26.) Do you know many Emily’s? A few

27.) What do you think of the Jonas Brothers? Well, I don't wish them ill will. Is that enough?

28.) Have you ever slept in a tent, indoors or out? Plenty of times

29.) What is your favorite kind of Girlscout cookie? Caramel Delights

30.) Do you enjoy surveys? I must or I wouldn't be to question 30

31.) What do you hear at the moment? Eddie Money

32.) Why do you think so many people love myspace? We're easily amused

33.) What do you think of people who do illegal drugs? I think, in most cases, they could be doing something better

34.) Do you watch the Olympics? I catch the highlights

35.) What are your top five favorite stores? Borders, Barnes N Noble, Dimple, Martha's Closet, and Target. I really don't shop.

36.) Do you like the new Weezer album? Um?

37.) What did you think of Panic at the Disco taking out the exclamation point in their name? I was mildly saddened by that, actually.

38.) What is the worst job you have ever had? Babysitting a demon child is about it

39.) Have you ever been to Minnesota? Nope and I have no plans to

40.) What is the strangest thing you’ve ever seen on TV? Probably something on Adult Swim

41.) Do you watch informercials when there is nothing on? No, luckily I have DVR

42.) What is your favorite Disney Show? Kim Possible or Recess

43.) Have you ever seen the Wedding Singer? Not all of it, no.

44.) Top five reasons people rank things: Something selfish, I imagine

45.) Have you ever gone camping? Yes

46.) What do you miss most about elementary school? Nothing

47.) What do you do when you want to fill out a survey, but none of your friends have posted surveys that you have not taken yet? Go find one and post it myself?

48.) What is your favorite kind of DQ Blizzard? Never had one

49.) Has anything funny ever happened to you while in Wendy’s? A bird crapped on my mother's shoulder while she was sitting with her arm out of the car. That was hilarious.

More Me Icons

2009-05-27T17:58:00.000-07:00

Some Amanda Icons

2009-05-27T17:01:00.001-07:00

I'm just that bored

Random

2009-05-27T16:39:00.001-07:00

Yes, Brandon, thanks to you

2009-05-27T16:33:00.001-07:00

Visit failblog.org

WHY?

Walking

2009-05-23T17:52:00.000-07:00

You cut open my heart,
with the knife I put in your hand.
I'm not angry,
though I'm bleeding,
just a little sad.
I'd hoped to make my way through life,
without so deep a gash,
but life is life,
and so this happens,
and all I can do is crash.
I'll limp away from this reck,
and walk again, you'll see.
I might be sad, and I will be hurt,
but I'll always be ok.
I've made myself to survive,
and that's what I shall do.
Jagged wound and shattered heart,
I'll walk along without you.
And keep on going till Death comes looking,
and claims my darkened soul.

Saying Goodbye

2009-05-23T17:44:00.000-07:00

It's a strange thing: saying goodbye. It's something we can't stand doing most of the time. Everyone acts happy, as if things will be ok. At least until we're all alone and we've reached the end of the day. At that point, the feelings flow out and the pain washes in. We can't stop thinking of the ones we love and the places we've been. We think of everyone we have become accustomed to seeing every day. And everyone we say hello to when we are on our way to class or work or home or the store. We think of every goodbye we've said and wonder how many more we'll have to endure. We pretend we'll see them again, and some of them we will. But those we know we probably won't, cling more violently to our minds. And even those we may see, the seeing won't be the same. Even if we see them again, our lives are forever changed. Humans adapt to change. Our species always has, but for as long as History has recorded, we have never liked the transition period.

If you don't mind

2009-04-15T19:28:00.000-07:00

When someone decids that they want out of your life and they leave, why do they then deem it necessary to continue to interfere in your life after they've checked out? You don't rent a room at a hotel for three nights, pay for it, then continue staying there for another few days. You don't move out of an apartment and keep taking showers there every morning. You don't graduate from highschool and then show up every day for third period Spanish 2. (As I'm typing this I'm making an assumption of normality.) When you cut yourself out of something, when you leave something or someone behind, that's it. It's over. You can't go back to it. You should leave it be. My mother left me. She doesn't speak to me. We don't see eachother. Yet here she is making my life miserable. It isn't fair. It isn't right. She cut herself out of my life. Now she needs to get the hell out of it for good. I can live without my mother. What I can't live with is her invisible form hovering in the distance causing trouble and wishing harm. She doesn't want me as her kid. She claims I'm not her daughter. She only has one now and it isn't me. So what the hell business does she have making me miserable? If you don't mind, mom, and if you'll pardon my french, get the f*ck out of my life. Go away. Leave me alone. And learn to use the computer so I can email this to you.

Something Awesome

2009-03-16T18:43:00.000-07:00

Want an awesome custom Tote bag? See my friend at

http://totes-4-u.blogspot.com

Senior Project

2009-03-16T18:21:00.000-07:00

So evil! Ugh. I'm pretty sure I'm going to pass but I'm still totally worried. It's a pain in the you know what.

GRRR!

I got to go to the Celtic Faire this weeked. OMG! And I don't use that lightly! LOVED IT!!!

Trip Down Memory Lane

2009-02-23T14:20:00.000-08:00

No, Mark, I will not be breaking out into song.

Remember those days when we were kids around nine or ten and we just over-exaggerated EVERYTHING! The carpeting in the living room was really lava. Our parents were aliens. Our teachers were really FBI or witches out to get us. Well, I was going through some old writing stuff and came across a re-telling of one of my childhood stories. It was an assignment we did in English that required us to compare a story from our childhood to a fairy tale or myth. I chose Pandora's Box because it was the only thing I could think to even barely put against a story from my childhood. I posted it below mainly because I feel like making my page as hard to load as possible and it's nice and lengthy.

In Greek mythology, Pandora was the first woman on earth. Zeus ordered Hephaestus the god of craftsmanship, to create her and he did, using water and earth. The gods endowed her with many talents; Aphrodite gave her beauty, Apollo music, Hermes persuasion, and so forth. Hence her name: Pandora, "all-gifted". When Prometheus stole fire from heaven, Zeus took vengeance by presenting Pandora to Epimetheus, Prometheus' brother. With her, Pandora had a jar which she was not to open under any circumstance. Impelled by her natural curiosity, Pandora opened the jar, and all evil contained escaped and spread over the earth. She hastened to close the lid, but the whole contents of the jar had escaped, except for one thing which lay at the bottom, and that was Hope.
My Pandora’s Box did not contain all the evils of the world nor did opening it threaten to reshape the universe. Pandora, also, was not the one my box was entrusted to. My older cousin Kate kept herself a separate room in the shed behind her grandmother’s house. She was often our “sitter”. Of course, though she was supposed to have been watching us, she was, more often than not, locked up in her spare room. So, my friends and I were left to our own devices. Despite this rather wonderful freedom we’d been gifted by my cousin’s laziness, we had such deep rooted curiosity, as children often do at a young age, that we spent most of that time devising plans for breaking into her padlocked room.
Earlier that year, her boyfriend, a carpenter‘s son, had added an extra layer of wood around the outside of the shed. My aunt had complained that Kate’s music could be heard from the house and wanted the volume lowered. In addition to my cousin’s laziness, she was also stubborn, so instead of turning it down, she set Joseph to work insulating the structure. This added an extra level of difficulty to our goal because then we couldn’t tell if she was inside or not as well as excluding several of the plans we’d come up with, the likeliest to be successful being the one that included the removal of a loose board at the back end of the building.
Faced with this new dilemma, we returned to the drawing board to concoct yet another plan to access the, by then, mystical dwelling. (Imagination runs rapid in such circumstances.) It took us several weeks to develop a solution to each hindrance. Telli, our Spy, was posted behind the trees in the backyard to keep an eye on Kate’s comings and goings so we could create a schedule. Sare, our Strategist, used this information to work out our plan of action while I set to work procuring the needed supplies, including the “invitations” to Telli’s sleepover. (Telli lived next door.)
It turned out, however, that Kate inadvertently moved up our plans while simultaneously making things easier for us. On Monday of the following week after our plan had been perfected, she told us that on Tuesday night, when she would be “watching” us while all the parents went to bingo, she had a sleepover, herself. Aware in that way that older kids are, she warned us sternly to stay away from the shed. “You’ll regret getting in there, trust me,” she said. The next day, Telli reported that the padlock on the shed had broken and Mike had nailed up a thin board over the door. “Doesn’t matter,” I told her, “It shouldn’t be hard to take down. It’s only up for the night to keep us out, so it’s probably loose.”
“Okay, now what?” Sare asked. “We wait. Bingo starts at 4:30. Katie leaves at five. It gets dark at six. Our parents’ll be back at eight. We’ll meet by the shed at 6:30,” I replied. At the time, the entire thing had seemed quite simple and rational to me. After the brief exchange, Telli had returned across the yard to her own house where she intended to keep watch from an unsuspicious distance, Sare walked across the street to her house where she was to destroy our Plan Papers ( because at ten, we firmly believed the FBI would somehow find out), and I went to our own little hideout in my aunt’s garage where I finished gathering our supplies: two hammers to take down the board, a brick to place in the doorway to hold the door open, nails to nail the board back up when we left, several flashlights, and small bag with various basically useless items we had anticipated possibly needing in the case of uncontrollable incidents such as Kate’s sudden return, a random gang shootout, or an alien invasion. (Again, imagination runs rapid at that age. Believe it or not, there was even a needle and thread in that pack in case one of us was stabbed by a pirate with a sword and needed the wound sewn up.)
The only time before 6:30 that any of us went near the shed that day was at around 10, while Kate was still asleep to quickly sneak out to place the somewhat heavy load of supplies in the trees outside of the shed. By 6:25, we were all there, hiding in the trees. (Despite the fact that the only ones who could have caught us was the neighborhood boys our age that didn’t care, we acted as if we were breaking into the Pentagon.) Telli and I took the two hammers from the bag we’d borrowed from the garage, chosen for the fact that is was old and if we had to leave it, it couldn’t be identified as one of ours. (Yes, I know, silly.) As Telli and I set to work removing the four nails used to place the board diagonally across the door, Sare began a walkaround of the shed, for security purposes of course, until the sun finally sank below the horizon and we called her over to hold the flashlight.
It didn’t take long to remove the board and lower it silently into the hidyhole amongst the trees. We placed the napkin with the new nails wrapped in it on top of the board along with the two hammers. Telli shouldered the bag and the three of us prepared to open the door. But as Sare pulled on the handle, it opened only an inch or two. Peering into the crevice, I saw a chain at the top of the door.
“Ah, the unanticipated inner lock,” I hissed. “Telli, fish into that bag and grab a pencil. Sare, go and get me that crate up against the fence between Telli’s house and this one. Oh, take a flashlight.”
The plot was clear-cut, simple. I just had to stand on the crate and work the chain free with the pencil. It went quite smoothly and after a few minutes of poking and grumbling, the chain slipped off with a tiny clang. Climbing down, I moved the box aside and we prepared, once again, to enter the room. “First thing first girls, weapons,” we heard a voice say quite suddenly.
You’ve got to be kidding, we thought, caught before we even went inside.
I recognized the voice. It was my cousin, Greg. He was a few years older than Kate. Telli pointed him out, standing on the other side of the shed.
“Don’t worry,” he said, “I don’t care if you break into my sister’s getaway. I’m jus’ warning you to be careful.” That was all he said before walking off down the street. We stared after him. Streetlights made the road visible. Several of his highschool friends waited there, beers in hand.
“Okay,” I said, “ready?”
“What if he’s right?” Telli asked urgently.
“Jeez, Telli,” Sare griped, “you know he’s just a jerk.”
“What do you think’s in there anyway?” I laughed.
“The Boogie man?” Sare joined.
Arrogantly, she and I reached for the handle again, this time the door swinging open swiftly. The moment it opened, we looked into the dark room and a low, harsh-sounding growl rose as if from the floorboards and something lunged at us. We slammed the door , screamed and took off in three separate directions. (All of us ran for our own houses, I found out the next day when we all spoke.)
It’s safe to assume that Kate found out what we’d done, since we ran off without putting the board back and leaving not only the nails and hammers on the ground, but Telli went only a few feet before she dropped the bag to run faster. Laughing hysterically, Kate told us the next day that the “beast” inside the shed was a stray dog and it had only lunged at us because it was guarding a litter of four puppies.

Oh, btw. My life sucks right now. Thought I'd add that in somewhere. Like Hell in a Handbasket sucky too.

slaps self

2009-02-09T13:01:00.000-08:00

Procrastination is SO bad. I know this. I'm completely and utterly aware of the fact. Tomorrow, I have part of my senior project due. What am I doing right now when none of it is done? Playing on my blog! Hell, I created a wishlist! The hours are going by pretty fast and I have all kinds of things to do today. I repeat, PROCRASTINATION is BAD!

2/3/09

2009-02-03T15:27:00.000-08:00

NIEH!!!

What the hell, Universe?

2009-02-03T15:20:00.000-08:00

As the great philosopher Garfield said, "I hate Mondays." This week, Tuesday isn't exactly my favorite either. Out of Midol, missing school, headache from Hell, dishes to do, homework to finish, cramps that are having a field day I like to call 'Little Katrina' going on in my poor defenseless body. What the hell, Universe? You can't spread these kicks to the teeth out over a week-long period or something? No, wait. You can't do that. You have all kinds of other crap planned for the other six days of the week I can't miss out on. So, nevermind. I'm gonna sit here, bite my tongue in an attempt to ignore the pain, skip the dishes, whine into the phone to whoever I guilt into listening to me, blog angrily to Hinder's Get Stoned, and contemplate bashing my brains in with a book. Ok, maybe not that last one, but you get the point.

When I Was Young

2009-01-31T11:49:00.000-08:00

Ok, so I'm not exactly getting up there in the years but the point is that I feel like it. Kinda. I miss when I used to go out on the weekends. I miss when I wasn't juggling all the cooking, housework, animals, homework and everything else like a clown playing with chainsaws. It sounds absolutely horrible to say but the only thing about my mom leaving that is really bothering me is that I'm always exhausted and weak from life. I hate it. I especially hate it because there's not a snowball's chance in hell that I'm going to show it. Anyone whose been here knows that the real backbreaker is the acting tough. Pretending to be strong is what finally kicks us in the knees and knocks us to the ground. And I am just so eagerly anticipating that. Having to play part-time mother and housewife on top of Senior Project and college prep is starting to make my head feel like a shaken up snowglobe after a three year old has discovered it and vigorously beat it to death in that way that three-year olds are prone to doing. Man, I never thought I'd agree with a commercial. Life really does come at you fast. And it goes by a hell of a lot faster. I feel like I've been chasing after a huge bus that has LIFE written on the side and about four hundred seventy three miles later, I just realized I really don't want to catch up. The only problem is that the line of people behind me chasing after it to with a big sign over their heads that reads SOCIETY won't let me stop and drag along behind. I have to keep running or get trampled to death. Stupid survival instinct. No matter how tempted I am to get trampled, I'm still running.

Freezing my-ooh, look a dead kitty!

2009-01-23T13:35:00.001-08:00

You ever hated the world? Yep, yep. You ever hated everyone around you just for being people? Just passed that roadmarker. You ever hated the world and its damn people so much you want to be magically swept off to a secluded cabin in the middle of fricken Alaska with no other living thing but your dog and a multitude of hungry wolves and bears waiting outside to eat you? Well, if your answer was yes, welcome to the cozy little cell in Tartarus where I'm making that wish. Drafty cabin, ten minutes of sunlight, lots of books, and a companion that can't talk? Oh yeah, that's paradise. Frostbite aside, totally what I'm looking for.

Blah...

2009-01-20T17:46:00.000-08:00

That's right. Blah.

There would be a random picture but I'm on my sister's computer which means no good pictures.

Double blah with a side of grrr and an extra sprinkle of Nieh!

Dear Amanda?

2009-01-19T13:33:00.000-08:00

Seriously? What the hell? Mark, are you really going to start every posting with 'Dear Amanda'? Can't you throw in an occasional, 'Dear Sharkey' or a 'Dear Morgan'? Hey. John Lennon's available for listening. Kinda.

http://dear-amanda-central.blogspot.com

In case you don't want to scroll down far enough to see my list of blogs to follow.

My Way of Checking if Mark read anything

2009-01-19T12:46:00.000-08:00

You're on the phone with me. Say "Flustered Flobberworm" or "Boo!" if you find that easier.

Stupid Boredom Fairy

2009-01-19T12:35:00.000-08:00

There is nothing worse than being bored. Tie me up to a tree and give me ten minutes to get loose before you set the tree on fire. That would be totally preferable. At least I wouldn't be bored, now would I? Having abosolutely nothing to do is torturous. Seriously. And it makes you say stupid things. Total boredom usually ends in calling up someone you don't talk to that often and rambling on about nothing important and saying things you'll regret later just to say something. At this point in the boredom, you're usually annoyed and therefore will sound that way. The Boredom-Fairy is somewhere laughing her damn sparkly wings off at all the people suffering from her blasted fairy dust!

Valentine's Day Shopping

2009-01-18T20:20:00.000-08:00

GRRR!!! I hate this holiday! But it is hilarious! Expensive, evil, and hilarious! I went to four different stores. For two different people! Hey, Cupid, get your arrow-shooting arse down here and give Hallmark's advantage-taking butt a piece of your mind, would ya? Geez!

Follow the damn butterflies, would ya?

2009-01-18T18:25:00.000-08:00

Ron would have been oh so ecstatic if someone had said that to him instead of the ever-popular "follow the spiders" line. That worked out great, didn't it? Nearly eaten by the King Kong of the Spider-world and saved by a car with a mind of its own?

You may be asking why this is relevant.

It isn't.

It's entirely random.

Haha. I win.

Why?

Because you read it.

So there.

Taking A Stab At Something New

2008-12-30T12:12:00.000-08:00

You ever notice how sometimes you try something new just to try it and you turn out to be good at it? Or you might suck on vacuum-sucking levels but the point is that it is important to try because you might be really good at it.

So, I took a long-awaited stab at non-magical romantic comedy. According to my critic/friend, it's the best thing she's read of mine. (Which is saying something for her because not only has she read most of my stuff but she REALLY loves some of the other pieces.)

So, that's pretty cool. I think I'll keep stabbing at this one. Now as long as it doesn't bleed all over my shoes...

Life Lesson

2008-12-29T14:07:00.000-08:00

Hey there, here's a newsflash for the world. Are you aware that there is a difference between cancelling on someone and standing them up? If you don't, you'd better learn it because it's an important one. I never get angry at someone for cancelling on me, but if you don't let me know you're not showing up until after the fact, then I get a little annoyed. If, this dreaded statement, something comes up, let the person know that something came up, otherwise, YOU'RE NOT CANCELLING! THAT'S STANDING SOMEONE UP! It's past the rude line and in the sector of 'pisses people off'. Have the decency to at least leave a message or something. Don't call a day or two later and say, "Oh yeah, I forgot. Something came up." You know what I'm going to say to you then? "Uh, yeah, I kinda noticed when you didn't show up that you didn't show up. Thanks, Sherlock. What would I do without you?" It's a courtesy thing. You may have missed the manners course they fed to us in like first grade but you should have enough common sense to know that people don't like it when you make plans and break them WITHOUT ANY NOTICE! No one over the age of fifteen can honestly they say they've never seen someone get upset because they weren't informed of broken plans. If you can, you're either a monk or literally living with a troll beneath a bridge somewhere and even that I don't buy because I'm guessing that the monk, though he didn't show it, got a little peeved when monk #2 was supposed to drop by for a little bible study and never showed and the troll probably reacted like a real jerk when the goats were twenty minutes late for crossing to better pastures! (Yes, bible study actually means bible study. You know, with that big book. I don't mean monk #1 and monk #2 are off to the local pub for a round of beers.) Digressing...

Still digressing...

Breath in, breath out...

Ok, so life lesson for the day, kids. If you make plans with someone and you decide you're not showing up, LET THEM KNOW!!! Don't be rude. Our generation has enough of a bad reputation. Let's prove them wrong. Let's pretend some of us have manners.

Because I Need One Today

2008-12-26T11:34:00.000-08:00

HAPPY LIST PART II

Night prowls with flashlights on Halloween

sighs and whisperings

going barefoot around the house

compulsions

singing in the shower and when you
think no one can hear

window seats and bready-smelling
mazes of bookracks

stockings hung from the chimney
with care

a warm crackling fire

a walk down a pine-needled path

daydreamers

checking the faces of departing movie-
goers in an attempt to determine the
quality of the film

infatuation kept under wraps

killer Scrabble games

being the only group of friends
in the movie theater

list-lovers

spending time in the baby's nursery after
everyone is sleeping

when the sky has lost the sunlight
but not yet found the stars

the study of wind-resistance conducted by
holding a cupped hand out the
car window

poinsettias

the first frost coming without a whisper

achievements

the habit of making distinctions

bringing beauty and meaning into life

singing in a choir

Never Make Plans

2008-12-26T11:19:00.001-08:00

You ever notice how if you slave over plans for a big day and look forward to it for weeks and work really hard to set up for it and then...something comes up. I don't get mad about it. I just get annoyed with myself. I mean, geez! What's wrong with me? Why would I get my hopes up? I know perfectly well that nine times out of ten, things just don't go my way. Why bother getting all the chores done and getting up early to get said chores done so I won't be busy on day of big event (or small look-forward to event. Whatev) when I know it's probably not happenin'? Because I'm young, stupid, and female. And as a feminist, I should slap myself for saying that but let's be honest here. As a girl, though feminist I may be, I can't help myself. We get excited, we aim to please, and we worry. That's what it's like when we have a friend over, have a cousin over, have Great-Aunt Barb who can't hear anymore over. And it's worse during the holidays! Oh my god, it's worse. We turn into housewife, Santa's helper, Martha Stewart, Betty Crocker freaks of holiday-induced nature. I don't care if you're some little gothic princess who paints pentacles on your shoes to piss off "the man", you get the holiday jitters like every other woman and you may deny it to the very core of your bones, but you have the urge to bake cookies too! It's like it's attached to our DNA. So thank you, holidays! Now I have a kitchen table covered in desserts I'll never be able to finish off, a refridgerator filled to the brim with leftovers, thank-you cards I need to write coming out of my ears and one hell of a mess to clean up including a Christmas tree, stockings, and lights of all kinds. What did I do this cold Friday morning? (Btw, why the hell did Christmas have to fall on a Thursday?) I got up early this morning, like before seven, on a day I'm supposed to be on vacation, to clean up all the mess left from holiday havoc and midway through I get the lovely message "something came up." So, you know what? I'm cleaning up Saturday. Afternoon. Late afternoon. What's my message today, folks? NEVER make plans!

Oh, and Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. ;)

Oh, the Art of Weakness

2008-12-16T10:45:00.000-08:00

Ok, so I haven't ranted in a while. Well, on the blog, anyway. So, what's my fantastic topic of discussion, you ask? Here it is: Infallible, invulnerable, perfect characters. Now, I'm not saying, I don't have the same urge to make my characters totally awesome, no embarrassing moments, no screw ups, not a single thing wrong with them. Unfortunately, who the hell can relate to that? There has to be something. They have to have flaws. They can't be perfect. I know, sad, but true. Don't write a perfect character. Throw in some semblance of humanity. Yes, even if your character is a green, eight-eyed monster with purple hair. There has to be some little something. It can be subtle. By all means, go for subtle if the character isn't our main one. But, yes there's a but, our main character has to have layers. And by layers, I mean, the human-mind kind not the parade float flower kind of layers. Humanity is necessary for a character's survival. Even the big baddies get it. Look at Darth Vader. Big, bad, and you guessed it, semblance of humanity.

Interesting Words Pretty Much Rock

2008-12-03T19:20:00.000-08:00

ambrosia: food of the gods, which conferred immortality.

glowworm: a wingless female beetle which emits a greenish light

knave: a petty rascal

obelisk: a tall four-sided pillar

sumptuary: relating to expense

trepidation: confused alarm

demagogue: a leader of the people

hirsute: hairy;shaggy

rostrum: beak of a bird

par: state of equality

besom: a brush of twigs

ciliary: belonging to or of the nature of eyelashes

fuddle: to make stupid by drink

jettison: to throw overboard

quixotic: chivalrous to extravagance

mealy-mouthed: inclined to hypocrisy

zoolite: an animal substance petrified or fossil

eyrie: an aerie; nest of a bird of prey

imbroglio: an intricate and perplexing state of affairs

nostrum: a quack medicine

unction: act of anointing

lilt: to sing cheerfully

Everyone Should Have A Happy List

2008-12-03T18:00:00.000-08:00

Happy List December 3rd, 2008

playing Clue

wandering the fairgrounds

walking along the beach at night

seaweed tapestries woven w/shells, fish bones, feathers, etc.

magic show

oak spiral staircases

a street full of bookstores and galleries

the sound of the wind

wandering into an antique furniture store

out-of-reach cabinets

drawbridges

climbing a tree to do some constructive day-dreaming

sunlight streaming through the trees

instant poker parties

music boxes

motorcycles

antique trunks

looking down from a ferris wheel

tying your hair back with ribbons

tree houses

long phone calls

sleeping with a jacket over you

stargazing

rainstorms

fireplaces

the smell of the sea

friends

Before I Die

2008-12-03T16:19:00.000-08:00

I was asked to write a Before-I-Die List so I thought I'd post it since I prefer typing anyway. Yes, yay. For me, at least. No, it's not realistic. What's the point of realistic goals? These are things we want to do, not things we're going to do. It's fun, really.

1) Become fluent in Latin, Gaelic, and French. (So not likely.)
2) Become a mother. (Even less likely.)
3) See my Celtic homelands. (Eh, maybe.)
4) Conquer the art of walking in high heels.
5) Lose enough weight to make me not gag in front of a floorlength mirror. (What? I can dream.)
6) Have a job that pays enough to let me pay the bills, keep the kitchen half-filled, and leave enough left to buy little spoil-them gifts for my godchildren.
7) Publish a novel. (Still dreaming)
8) Give one spectacular piece of advice. (It could happen.)
9) Be remembered for good reason.
10) Successfully cook a perfect Thanksgiving turkey.
11) Dedicate a room in my house to my own personal library. (Ok, this is rather likely.)
12) Finish all the novels I've started, if only for myself.
13) Get my degree.
14) Teach British Lit and Creative Writing.
15) Come back and live in my hometown.
16) Visit Disneyworld.
17) Have a pet turtle, two parakeets, several dogs and cats, and an aquarium of fish.
18) Have one peaceful day.
19) Go to a Journey Concert.
20) Go to the SuperBowl.

Vampires totally rock!

2008-12-03T16:13:00.000-08:00

The application on MySpace, of course. It's the only one that works on my OLD computer. And it rocks!

Yeah. I just had to say that.

Silly Muses and their distractions...

2008-12-02T17:43:00.000-08:00

Honestly, out of the like twelve or so muses I've got dancing around my head, you'd think I would have at least one up and about at all times. No such luck, of course. It seems they sleep all at once, vacation all at once, and go out on the town all at once. Somehow, if one muse is gone, all the muses are gone. If I can't write a poem today, in all liklihood, I'll fail pretty miserably at a short story too. Pretty unfair, I have to say. Some authors can write anytime. Is is true that we can always write? Yeah, you give a writer a prompt or an assignment, no sweat, no problem. Muses aren't for that. Muses are the little spouts through which we pour out everything inside of us onto paper. (Or computer screen). It is entirely possible to write fantastic pieces without the presence of one of our beloved muses but to write the near-and-dear and truly releasing stuff, we need those girls around. Grrr. I think my novel muse is off to Hawaii again.

"Sorry, I got nothing. One of my muses is sleeping, one is acoma, and another is dead. You're out of luck little voice in my head telling me to write or cry." (8/16/08)

So, I read this really great book...

2008-12-02T17:38:00.000-08:00

At Last by Anngela Schroeder, which WILL one day soon be hitting bookstore shelves is a great read. Truly. Go read the first chapter at

www.at-last-aschroeder.blogspot.com

It is worth reading and is destined to become a book passed from mother to daughter and sister to sister and cousin to cousin and whatever mix you can come up with. Go, hurry off now. I won't be offended that you're rushing away from my blog. Really.

Ooh, yay! My muse got up from her nap!

2008-12-01T21:10:00.000-08:00

The New Baidrick Beginning

Avoiding arrest is never an easy task, unless you've had practice. Baidrick Keltner had had a hell of a lot of practice. This time it was stealing. A horse, to be specific. Not just any horse, either. Oh no, this was a very special horse.

Because Random Ranting is our Right

2008-12-01T20:02:00.000-08:00

Recently I was sent a writing prompt which gave birth to this little tidbit:

PROMPT: That's what happens when you follow your heart...

That's what happens when you follow your heart, you end up walking head-first into a brick wall with "HIT HEAD HERE" painted across it in bold lettering. Oh sure, the details vary a bit. Sometimes you walk off of a cliff or into a long tunnel in which the light you see turns out to be a train. Either way the point is basically the same. Love knocks out your senses in a way that can only be rivaled by death. You end up blindfolded, with cottonballs in your ears and nose, your mouth taped shut, and your hands handcuffed behind your back and all you can do is hope that whoever's leading you doesn't decide to take off and leave you to wander aimlessly in the darkness without so much as a hint to where you are. That's how we end up half-dead lying in a hospital bed where the surgeon explains that our shattered heart is inoperable and can't be put back together. And you know what we do after we've taped the pieces together the best we can? Hurry off to buy another blindfold, cottonballs, duct tape, and a pair of handcuffs.

Some other prompts from the email:

1) A group of students stumble upon a cave when they drift off from their classmates while on a picnic in the forest.

2) A new house owner discovers that the attic is completely empty save for a portrait of a woman placed up against the wall.

3) Someone finds a dead body. The only clue is a tiny golden key with initials on it.

Once Upon A Time...

2008-12-01T19:27:00.000-08:00

Now that is one heck of an over-used beginning. However, it can be used to produce one heck of a story. Oh well, it's not my cup of tea. So, here to ask a favor. I'm working on something new and can't decide how to start it. Here are a few of the contenders:

1) Baidrick tensed, seeing a man wearing the crest of the King enter the pub, clutching the unmistakable scroll that marked someone for arrest. (Something to that effect)

2) Avoiding arrest is never an easy task, unless you've had practice. Baidrick Keltner had a hell of a lot of practice. (This is the one that currently sits at the top of my outline)

3) Stealing? Definitely bad. Stealing from the wealthy? That's the bold kind of stealing. Stealing from the King? That's the stupid kind of stealing. Stealing from the King, making a pass at his daughter, and embarrassing him in front of half the neighboring village? That's suicide.

Have an opinion? I'm all ears...or eyes...since I can't really hear your comments.

Why I'm totally a Wannabe Author

2008-12-01T18:50:00.000-08:00

Put quite simply, writing rocks. There is nothing better than being able to escape from reality into something that is under your complete control. If I want gravity to become chocolate milk without knocking the universe out of balance or grass to be purple, that is totally up to me. I have that right as the author and creator of that world. Then to share that world with readers who can escape into your paradise too? Yeah, that's why I'm a Wannabe Author.